Marvelous Girl Has Moved!

Women complain, men leave?

Posted on: August 7, 2009

marriage businessOften the “business” of a relationship (who’s picking up the kids, what’s there to eat for dinner, how are we doing on our family budget?) can get in the way of the closeness that’s necessary in a marriage. “The intimacy can diminish from a couple’s love-life: not that they love each other any less, but that closeness, that feeling of true connection can fade. What usually happens next? Women complain about their plight but men leave,” says Dr. Noelle Nelson, relationship expert and author of Your Man is Wonderful.

“Men don’t necessarily leave physically,” notes Nelson, “but whereas women speak up loudly in relationships about what’s bothering them, men respond more often than not by simply leaving. First emotionally, then mentally, lastly physically.”

Nelson believes men are trained by our culture and society not to whine or complain, but to be stoic and put up with hardship. “They bring that attitude into their relationships as well,” says Nelson. “Which is why a wife is often surprised to find her mate has strayed. She assumed that since he wasn’t complaining, all was well.”

Nelson offers these suggestions to couples who want to keep (or rekindle) the closeness they felt when they were first married:

  • Pay as much attention to the connection side of your relationship as you do to the business side.
  • Openly express your appreciation to your mate every day, let him or her know how valuable they are–to you, to your family, to the world.
  • Purposefully join in those activities your spouse enjoys, be that the ballgame on Sunday afternoon, her new interest in tennis, or his fascination with a new software program.
  • If you can’t join in, be supportive, interested and enthusiastic.
  • Be engaged in his or her work, show interest in what makes up your spouse’s day, and engage your spouse in yours.

“Connection is automatic when we first fall in love,” says Nelson, “but it must be nurtured if it is to be maintained, and lovingly tended so you remain close, not apart, as the years go by.”

For more marriage tips, go to Nelson’s blog, or follow her on Twitter,


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