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When it comes to money and marriage, young women are more likely to know about and manage a couple’s finances.
According to a new national survey by FindLaw.com, the most popular legal information Web site, married women between the ages of 18 and 34 are the most likely among married people to play a significant role in managing the couple’s finances, and less likely to squabble with their spouses about money.
“We found that younger women, in many ways, are the most money-savvy among married couples,” said Stephanie Rahlfs, an attorney and editor with FindLaw.com. “We sought to understand how couples manage their money, how much they fight about money, and how much they know about their financial situation. Younger women are the most likely – among men or women of all ages – to take on responsibility for understanding and managing the household finances, and do it without fighting about money issues.”
• Younger women are more likely to manage the household finances by themselves, rather than letting their spouses handle it or managing the money together. Thirty-seven percent of young married women say they handle all the household finances, compared with only 30 percent of young married men.
• Younger women are less likely to fight about money with their spouses. The survey found that while “Money” is the No. 1 issue most married couples fight about, younger women are more likely to fight about their partner’s bad habits than money. In fact, money is tied for third with issues involving relatives and in-laws, after bad habits and having or raising children.
• Who knows the most about their spouse’s finances when they get married? Whether it’s income, debts, net worth, retirement savings or even credit score, most younger women knew the details about their spouse’s finances before they got married. By contrast, less than half of younger men say they knew their wife’s net worth, retirement savings or credit score before they got married.
“Money and marriage are inevitably intertwined,” said Rahlfs. “Property rights, joint responsibilities and obligations, and legal benefits are as much a part of marriage as vows and wedding rings. How much couples know about their finances and how they decide to manage their money are important issues as couples go through their married life together. Whether married or about to get married, couples should understand the legal and financial aspects of marriage.”
Free Internet resources, such as FindLaw.com (http://www.findlaw.com), can provide helpful information on topics such as marriage, adoption and divorce, including a fiancé(e) and newlywed financial checklist, guide to adopting a child, and factors to consider in dividing property in a divorce.
The FindLaw.com survey was conducted using a demographically balanced telephone survey of 1,000 American adults and has a margin of error of plus-or-minus three percent.
The best gift to give this holiday season is to genuinely forgive your spouse for the various offenses committed over the year that have been driving you crazy.
Forgiving sheds unwanted baggage and makes for a stronger marriage, says Dr. Noelle Nelson, relationship expert and author of Your Man is Wonderful (Free Press, 2009).
Forgiving is not always easy. You may be sitting around the holiday dinner table, giving thanks for all the good things the year has brought. But after dinner, when Uncle Ned says “Great flat screen; let’s switch on the game,” you feel your gut twist. You remember vividly the fight with your spouse for buying something so extravagant. You scream, “it’ll take years to pay it off, what were you thinking?” and he screams that he has the right to get at least something for himself, considering that “99 percent of his paycheck goes to you and the kids.” You both end up exhausted and drop it. After all, you’re not going to divorce over a flat screen.
“Even though a topic is not longer discussed, doesn’t mean it goes away,” says Nelson. “Every time you see him surfing the channels, the bitterness churns inside you. It sours your relationship with him, because at some level, you don’t trust him not to do it again. And with the lack of trust between you, your intimacy suffers. All because you never made it to true forgiveness.”
Forgiveness is hard, explains Nelson. Forgiveness often feels like accepting unacceptable behavior in order to preserve your relationship, or accepting an apology you’re not sure has substance to it.
“Substance in an apology is composed of two things: accountability and responsibility. Accountability is your willingness to figure out which part of the problem belongs to you and which part to your mate,” says Nelson. “The wife in the above example may say ‘It wasn’t me who slapped down that credit card for a flat screen!” True, and if her and her spouse had agreed upon a budget and he blew the budget, his would indeed bear the larger share of accountability. But her accountability may have been in not setting aside any part of the budget for his–or her–personal wants and needs, instead focusing only on the family budget.”
Nelson says that responsibility portion of forgiveness is your ability to be appropriately responsible for your actions. Responsibility relies on understanding rather than judging or blaming. “Instead of coming to your partner with ‘How dare you!’ even if that’s what you are feeling, talk to him about helping you understand why he chose to do what he did. Listen with an open mind and an open heart. From understanding how each of you feel, you can look at your problems as issues to be worked out, not daggers in the heart–and forgiveness can begin.”
Marvelous Girl Has Moved! 